Imagine you’ve been hit with a work deadline that can be described as “challenging” or, more accurately, “freakin’ ridiculous.” What do you do? According to Amanda White, L.P.C., practice director and therapist at Philadelphia-based Therapy for Women Center, you’ll likely fall into one of two camps. Either: A) You’ll bust your ass so hard to meet the unreasonable expectation that you’ll succeed…and then feel drained and disgruntled when it’s done, or B) You’ll feel so overwhelmed by the prospect of tackling the stressful situation, you’ll totally check out…only to feel more overwhelmed by your own avoidance.
Using that newfound awareness to make intentional decisions can lead to lasting behavioral changes, in White's opinion. "The most important tip is to take opposite action than your tendency," she says. "Over-functioners need to learn to ask for help, slow down, set boundaries, and not take over, doing everything. Under-functioners need to practice taking small actions. When they feel the urge to hide or avoid, they need to practice taking a small step toward their fears so they can overcome them and learn to trust themselves."
So how can you start to make those moves in your own life? Mass says one quick, effective strategy for avoiding the over/under-functioning trap is to jot your feelings down on a notepad before acting on them. "This allows the anxiety to exist on paper rather than a feedback loop in your head," she says.
"Also, engage your senses," says Mass. "Self-care doesn't mean just one thing. Playing music, painting, gardening — it's not about being an expert at something; it's about engaging, touching, smelling, etc., and activating other areas of your brain. For those who are near burnout, sensory activities can be a rejuvenating way to channel anxiety and for those who feel frozen they can be a way to ever so gradually re-engage."
White says the main takeaway from her message is that pushing too hard on either extreme isn't an ideal way to function long-term. "Neither response is better than the other," she says. "The goal is to find balance for both."
